Here Boy! v 2
by Dreaming Maya
Summary: Edward absolutely loves his dog, Jake, and thinks he needs no one else. So why does a mechanic by the same name insist he does? And why does Jake go missing when he's there? Yaoi Slash JacobXEdward Jakeward
1. Chapter 1

I did it. FINALLY! I'm sorry it took so long, but NOW! IT IS HERE! Here Boy version 2~! Hopefully you'll still like it and maybe I can keep it on track now!

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><p>Edward scowled and kicked the tire of his Volvo in frustration. In the middle of the highway at noon, just a few kilometres out of town, was <em>not<em> where Edward wanted to be right now.

"Goddammit! You're just an expensive piece of crap!" Edward yelled, running a hand through his hair, and blowing out a sigh, "I have somewhere to be!" He yelled again, his frustrations lost on the car, and then froze as he heard the roar of a motorcycle. Spinning around, he pointed at where a familiar red bike was now parked … with no driver.

"You!" Edward began accusingly, then paused and realised there was no one there, "- where are you?" He asked, mostly to himself, and jumped when he heard a scratching sound.

Looking towards his car, Edward saw the bonnet being put up.

"Hey! I know it's you! Stop touching my car!" Edward fumed, jogging over and glaring. "You sabotaged my vehicle, asshole!" He snapped.

"Aw, but Eddie baby, I told you I'd be out of town for the week! Remember? I'm pretty sure I said 'Babe; I'm not going to be here for a week; so no need to cook me dinner' right?" The owner of the voice snickered, and Edward was almost sidetracked by the fact a giant red toolbox, the paint in some paces patchy from constant use, was magically set up near his car.

Edward glared. "Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I then slammed my front door in your face." He growled, and got a deep laugh in return. "Besides - I know you're a creepy stalker and knew I was going to be out-of-state this week!" Edward snapped, "And I don't want you … just don't touch my car!" Edward added, starting to get flustered.

"Oh, _burn_!" The sarcastic reply came, along with a few strange noises. "C'mon - can't you be civil? Bella would be _heartbroken_ if she found out how you're treating her _bestie_."

Edward clenched his teeth.

"I think she'd be a bit more _heartbroken_ if she found out her best friend was trying to get into my pants constantly to the point of obsessively!" Edward shouted, and blushed hotly straight afterwards. There was another laugh.

"_Please_, you think Bella's a little glass saint? I think she'd have a whole different reaction to that news other then heartbroken. You may work with her and get all that science mumbo-jumbo, but we lost our virginity to each other; I know that cute lil' white girl like I know my right hand. I'm right-handed y'see." A deep tanned hand adorned with a red woven bracelet presented itself from the side of the bonnet.

Edward wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Do you know you're absolutely inappropriate? And why the hell is there a toolbox here? You can't fit that onto your bike!"

"Do you know you're really cute when you do that, and there's a car right here with a perfectly functioning back seat, _and_ that your baby sister, her husband, his twin, and her boyfriend all gave me permission to sodomise you thoroughly? Oh - and I can put a lot of things anywhere. Seriously - we should fuck, I'm telling it'll be good." Edward was absolutely baffled by the counter-argument.

"Excuse me? _What_?"

"You're excused. Oh hey! I found the prob with your car! It looks like there's a small but very important screw that's been maybe loosening slowly over the past week! What a change of topic!"

Edward stopped.

"You sabotaged my car." The accusation wasn't shocked, or even angry. It was _right_.

"Ah, yeah, you _could_ say that, really, all I had to do was yank the screw a bit - it was already loose." The reply was swift and careless. But the man saw an opening, and struck. "You could say I accidently knocked it-"

"I can sue." Edward snapped, but the other man seemed to brush off the treat with a laugh.

"Of course you can, little white American settler - you use your wallet! But you won't; because you love me - and if not me, your testicles; which Bella would have no qualms in ripping off if you take legal action against her best friend." He said, and Edward scowled at the smugness that rang in his tone.

"Get the hell away from me." Edward hissed, storming past him and slamming the door of his car after he climbed in.

"I know that's your way of saying thank you, Eddie baby! And you're very welcome," Kissing noises came from behind the hood, and 'Eddie' glared for all he was worth as the bonnet was slammed down, and a young Native man grinned cockily at him.

He had shoulder-length jet black hair, and extremely handsome features. All of which were practically lost on Edward.

"I hate you, Jacob Black." Edward snapped, and Jacob laughed, the sound muted through the car.

"Love you too, sweetie!"

Edward flipped him the bird, and glared as Jacob packed up his tools, shoved the toolbox into his motorbike somewhere, and gave him a wave before he started it up.

"It's road-worthy now!" The man yelled, before he donned a sleek black helmet and sped off. Edward mimicked the sentence in a childish, high-pitched tone, '_it'th woad-wothy now'_ and turned the key. Absolutely nothing happened. Edward almost screamed.

"… That son-of-a-bitch_ ruined_ my car …." Edward growled, and, in a burst of frustration, began viciously twisting the key in the ignition again and again until _- VROOM!_

The car roared to life; making Edward jump a foot in the air as the engine revved. Embarrassed, Edward banged the steering wheel.

"Goddammit!"

When Edward pulled up in front of the white-washed building, he couldn't bring himself to glance at his car's clock and acknowledge how late he was.

It wasn't even his fault that bloody kid keeps wrecking his car!

… Edward knew he really needed to find some way to get rid of him, but right now there's was someone very important waiting for him.

Which is why when he rushed through the front door, he was displeased when he found the front room he burst into empty, excluding a boy that perked up when he saw him.

"Oh, hey Mister Ed! Yeah - lookin' for Jake? Yeah - just though to Sammy's office!" The boy chirped, and Edward gave him a glare.

"Call me Edward, Seth, or Mr. Cullen, and he's Jacob to you." He snapped, and all the anger rushed out of him as he caught the blasting notes of the song battering against Seth's eardrums, who still looked cheerful even though he couldn't hear a word of what Edward was saying.

"Never mind." He muttered, almost correcting himself, and walked through another door that said 'vet', ignoring the cheerful parting wave Seth gave him.

"Uley?" Edward called, and looked to where … the man in question snored on the shiny operating table. Edward scowled.

He was dressed in nothing but a white coat and black pants, he was also very ripped to almost a frightening extent, and seemed to have no problems falling asleep among the mess around him. Edward eyed the needle that rested just near the large man's ear, then to the certificates framed on the walls with suspicion.

"I can't believe I entrust_ my _Jake to you …." He hissed under his breath, and immediately, the man's snoring ceased with a slight hiccup, and he shot up.

"Huh?" He asked, looking around and eyes stopping at Edward. As soon as Edward opened his mouth, he raised a hand, all sleepiness erased from his face and nothing but cold anger replacing it.. "Before you say some dumb white shit; shut up. Y'know what Jake-"  
>"<strong>Jacob<strong>, to you-" Edward butted in, but that was as far as he got.

Uley jumped to his feet, actually made the ground tremble for a moment, but Edward bravely stood his ground, but the thought of Jake stopped him from bolting out the door as the man advanced. "I said shut it. You know what your dumb-ass spoilt as fuck little shit-head did?" He asked, now only a few inches from Edward, who was much less then pleased at having his Jakey insulted right in front of him.

"… _No_, what?" Edward finally answered through gritted teeth, mostly because Uley's hands were clenched into fists and Edward remembered that he himself was rather skinny and would probably die if the vet punched him.

"Yapped. All night while I was _trying_ to do paperwork. I was ready to seriously harm that little pissy bitch." He growled, expression darkening, while Edward kept the thought of '_a far cry from a pet-loving vet …_' to himself.

"… Why do I entrust my poor Jake to you, Sam?" Edward said instead, attempting to match Sam's dark look, which the vet scoffed at. He walked over to a paper-scattered desk and picked up a mug of something that he downed quickly, and made him suck in a deep breath. The action made Edward guess it wasn't just cold coffee.

"Because he's escaped from every other place that takes mother-fucking monster dogs." Sam stated. Edward crossed his arms and glared at Uley with sharp green eyes. The vet slurped his drink, unaffected by the younger man's look, though he winced with each mouthful.

"… Just give him here, Sam." Edward said tensely after a while. He was used to Sam's constant swearing and derogatory comments towards his Jake; but that in no way meant he liked them.

Sam, on the other hand, enjoyed pushing Edward's buttons, and having him do extraordinarily stupid things as favours for looking after Jake, who seemed to be an immense handful to anyone who wasn't Edward himself. Something that not-so-secretly pleased Edward greatly.

"Just whistle then. Like hell I could've been bothering to shove that beast into his cage again after I let him out an hour ago." Sam retorted, and Edward, both pleased his precious pet had some leg room, and displeased at Sam's disregard, dutifully put two fingers in his mouth, and blew to give a shrieking whistle, while taking some pleasure in the way Sam massaged his temples with a pained expression.

"Jakey! Here boy!" The voice wasn't the cold and calm tone of Edward Cullen, as it had been a moment ago. It was excited, and giddy and almost cracked once or twice with the emotion. You'd almost expect Edward's long-lost lover to throw themselves into his arms. But no.

Then again, if the reason behind Edward's vocal change could talk, it was clear they would have the same type of voice.

The large, shaggy, rust brown, pony-sized excuse for a dog came blundering out of nowhere - and unceremoniously barrelled itself into Edward's chest.

Edward went down laughing, and the slightly emotional scene went down with Sam ,quite frankly, horribly.

The vet scowled, looked disgusted, and left the room quickly, slamming the door behind him.

Edward, on the other hand, didn't look like he gave a flying shit as he kissed the furry head and ruffled the long brown fur.

"Jakey! … I missed you, did you miss me?" Edward asked, and instead of the voice people usually take when talking to babies and animals, his voice was as normal now as when it was talking to anyone else, an equal. It seemed his excitement from before had waned, slightly. The dog, on the other hand, woofed and shook his tail so hard his hind legs moved along with it.

"of course you did. Now let's get home, boy."

Edward was leading Jacob out to the lobby, when he saw Sam and Seth talking.

"This coffee tastes like shit – why?" Sam asked the boy, who had taken off his headphones, and was now spinning on his chair.

"I put chilli sauce in it." The boy replies, and Edward stops at the desk, wanting to listen to the rest of the conversation. Sam looks at the now-empty mug.

"… Why?" He repeats, only getting a non-committal shrug in return, as Seth takes Edward's offered credit card. Sam scowls at Edward. "I'm charging you double." He said, and Edward shrugs.

"Fine. Is that to make up for all your lack of sleep last night?" He asks sweetly, and Sam gives him the finger. Edward just nods at Seth as he takes back his credit card. "I think you're therapist needs to talk to you about your issues, Uley." Edward says in a cold tone, and Sam snorted.

"Your mum is my therapist." He snaps, and drops his mug onto Seth's lap pointedly, who just rolls his eyes and stomps into the doorway near his desk. Edward rolls his eyes as he turns to leave.

"And hear I thought Emily would be the only one that listens to you, Samuel." Edward says curtly, and Sam raises an eyebrow.

"That all you got, white man?" The vet shoots back, and Edward pauses, thinking quickly, while he could practically hear Sam's egging thoughts.

"W-well … I don't have to put up with this." Edward growled, and Sam smirked.

"Oh, _burn_!" Sam mutters sardonically, which makes Edward falter at the front door, and look back at Sam, who raises an eyebrow. "What?" Edward, though, looks away and shakes his head.

"Nothing – I ... heard someone say that just this afternoon." Edward says, and leaves without another word.

Seth comes back with two mugs, and puts one in front of Sam. Sam looks at him.

"No chilli?" He asked, and Seth shakes his head, sipping his own drink. Sam just nods, and glances back at the front door.

"What's wrong?" Seth asks, and Sam looks at his mug.

"That better not be coffee; Aunt Sue'd have my ass if you get hyped on caffine." Sam says, and Seth shows him the clear liquid inside.

"Lemonade." He replies, and then pokes the man. "Besides; my mum loves you. She made me work here for free; didn't she?" He asked, and Sam just sniggered.

"Yep. Sucks to be you." Sam agrees, and Seth punches his arm, which didn't really do anything. "Hey – you remember what Jacob always says after someone says a shitty comeback?" Sam asks suddenly, and Seth instantly perks up.

"'Oh, _burn_!' And it's always sarcastic!" Seth pipes up, his eyes shining, and Sam nods.

"Yeah; that's what I thought."

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><p>BAM! I put Sam and Seth in the first chapter because I love them. Leah should come soon - hopefully. AND I have a better idea of where this is going. Also - Sam STILL had the fuck-it-I'm-drunk-and-Leah-said-she'd-pay-so-I'll-get-'Emily'-tatooed-on-my-wrist tattoo. Immalovin'thecapslocklately.<p>

Also - Denali coven, up next.


	2. Chapter 2

*The tune to "Happy Birthday"* Happy Brithday to Masih! Happy Birthday to Masih! I have no idea when you're bithday actually is! But this is for you! (Seriously; thanks for sticking by)

Of course; absolutely everyone is welcome to read on;

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><p>Edward breathed a large sigh as he finally rolled up to his apartment building and got out, opening the back door for his large dog, who bounded out excitedly and instantly bolted inside the building; though he paused for the automatic doors.<p>

Edward gave a small chuckle, and jogged after his pet, waiting at the automatic doors himself before heading inside, where, as always, Jake was happily soaking up the affection of their pet-crazy landlady, a kind old woman who enjoyed Jake's company just as much as Edward's. Which was a lot. Which was also surprising.

"Hello, ma'am," Edward said, giving her a warm smile. The woman smiled right back.

"Hello there, dear! I thought driving back from the next city over would've gotten you back a few hours ago. Where did you and Jakey go off to?" She asked, and Edward gave her a larger smile to stop himself from correcting the old lady's choice of words. But the woman gave a laugh, and patted his arm. "Oh, sorry, dear - I meant Jacob, you know I did." She assured him, making Edward laugh with her.

"Yes, of course, Sasha. Jake and I just left the vet, the man that takes care of him while I'm gone." Edward explained, and Sasha nods sagely.

"That's right, m'dear. Because Jacob here's a bit of a trouble when his master's not home - isn't that right darling?" She asked the dog, who simply rested his head against her thigh as she scratched it and lolled his tongue out. "But you're such a sweet little thing when Edward's here." She cooes, and Edward smiles.

"Yes, he is." Edward agrees, giving the content dog a warm look. Sasha watches him.

"You know, dear, that's almost the same look I gave my little Vasillii - no one could match that precious cat in my eyes, no one. Especially not that good-for-nothing daughter of mine! Really; do you know what what that Tanya's doing now? The tattoo parlour wasn't enough for her, no! Now she's trying to convert to some devil religion - 'Atheist' indeed! Why can't she just go back to how I raised her and believe in no god? She really needs to be more practical! No god's going to help her pay her rent for that little inking place, is it? Or for her phone or water." Sasha says, her face showing her disapproval. Edward smiled behind his hand and tried his best to stop himself from laughing.

"Ah, yes, Sasha, I agree. Kids these days really need to stop thinking they're invincible. Or that a god is invincible." Edward agreed, after coughing away his amusement. "As new millennia's come and go, our most popular gods will be taken as a thing of myth - just like the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks today." Sasha just nodded, the agreement along with her reproachful look making her look rather grumpy.

"That's why I like you so much, Edward dear - you think like me." She said firmly. '_I think like an old cat lady?_' Edward thought, not really sure how to respond to the compliment otherwise. "Anyway, she's not too young, but she's not getting any younger!" Sasha added, and Edward gave a nod to keep the conversation going. Sadly, it wasn't often Edward really spoke to anyone other than Jake. His was a solitary life, though he did like talking to someone who spoke back.

"She needs a good man to keep her level-headed." Edward stifled his edgy look about how uncomfortable he was finding the conversation. "By the way - are you still single, dear? I'd find it surprising if you were though! Such a nice, good man." Sasha said, smiling in a way that made Edward want to back away a few steps. A whine made them both look down though, to where Jacob was now lying on the floor; his paws covering his face. Edward gave him a smile.

"Well - it looks like Jacob's a little tired, so I think-" Edward began, but suddenly the dog jumped up, looking hyper as it held his head high and wagged his shaggy tail. Sasha laughed.

"What a silly little thing! Now Edward; is there a woman in your life? I'd have thought your mother, bless her, does she put up with this old woman, would've told me if you'd met someone. It's unlikely you wouldn't have mentioned it to her, you _are_ such a good boy." Sasha said, in a tone that gave Edward a small bit of comfort, as he recognised it as her I'm-about-to-ramble-rev-up-your-listening-ears voice, which would mean Edward could put off answering her. Or, if he was lucky, she'd forget her question.

"Reminds me of my other daughter - the good one - my little Katie darling, you remember her, I'm sure. You two talked before her husband drove her home." Edward gave another nod, remembering the feminist lesbian whose butch wife led her slightly tipsy to their car. "She is a very good girl. Couldn't be prouder of her. Takes after her father, you know, joining the army, just like he did, and serving her country with proper pride for our history." Sasha said, nodding, and Edward smiled at her, not mentioning the very many things their country could make up for 'in our history'.

"Yes - she was lovely," Edward agreed, and quickly tried to put in his good-bye, but Sasha blinked.

"Oh! Look at me, going off on a tangent like that! Sorry, dear, I didn't let you even try to answer my question!" She said, smiling at Edward with such warmth Edward almost wanted to point out every little thing his mother loved about her. "Do tell me - are you looking for a lady? Because my Tanya might not be on the path I want her on; but she has a good heart, I'll give her that-"

"Actually, Sasha, I'm sorry, but …" Edward blinked. _But what? What? Think, you idiot! … Girl in this building? No; she'll ask more questions … in the next town? No! She wouldn't believe I hadn't told mum yet … work? Work is good, that would suffice_. Edward thought quickly, and quickly put his smile back on. "Um, there's a certain someone at work I have my eye on, actually. I think I might have a chance too. But I don't want to rush it and tell my mother too soon." He explained, and Sasha smiled, giving him a wink. Jacob gave a yawn from his seat, and Edward reckoned he looked lsightly unimpressed with his lie.

"Well, dear, it's no problem! You're secret's safe with me – I'll be rooting for you on the sidelines!" She said, looking cheerful.

"Thank you, um, that's very kind." Edward said, and Sasha laughed.

"It's all fine to me, sweetie! I suppose I just want her to try and settle down - give her youngest sister a good role model. That Irine has been seen with the strangest boys!" Edward smiled, thinking, '_She's-about-to-ramble-rev-up-your-listening-ears.'_ "Why, just last week Maggie said she saw that silly girl with a two men who looked like they were about to kidnap her! Such dangerous thugs! I raised her better then that! She could have spent the two years she's been wasting at home getting a useful degree! Really, not like my Katie …." Sasha continued to evaluate all her daughters, and Edward glanced at Jake, who was sitting and watched as the dog yawned again, looking genuinely tired. Edward could only agree. "… and my dear Vasillii, did you know what that means? I picked his name out especially because it means …." Edward shuffled his feet, paying more attention to the floor then the conversation. "But really, that's all I think I'll say on the subject." She finished, and Edward fight a mad grin. Jacob, though, jumped to his feet and gave a _ruff_! While he then began to slump back down and pant. Edward and Sasha both laughed, and Sasha gave a sigh.

"I think I'll be devastated when he finally kicks the bucket …." She says sadly, making Edward frown. Why is it people always mentioned how sad it would be when Jacob died? Of course it was going to be sad - he wouldn't be here anymore! Edward really wished people would stop saying things like that; he didn't need to be reminded of the fact humans outlived dogs by a couple of decades. It would take a calculator and a lot of time if Edward were to count how many people he'd gladly like Jacob to outlive. "But not as much as you would be, dear! Just like when Vasillii left to go to that sun-warmed window-pane in the sky … I could hardly bare it." She sighed, and Edward found himself thinking that, the thought of Sasha's fat ugly ill-tempered old cat sitting on a window sill in the sun surrounded by clouds and scowling down at them all in the same disgusted expression his unattractive face always had, was a very amusing one indeed.

"Um, yes, it was a dark day." Edward agreed, referring to the second day he had move in five years ago, to the heart-broken sobs of his elderly landlady as he walked passed her door on his way to work. He had called in sick that day, and helped the poor lady bring herself to take the lifeless ball of puffy fur to the vet's to get it sorted out. Sasha only nodded sadly, and gave another sigh. "I remember my father giving you a bouquet for Va-silly, too." Edward added, almost to himself, and Sasha seemed to brighten up smally.

"That's right! That dear father of yours; always looking after me and Vasillii, even when that demon first wife of his called me a hag! Really; I'm so glad he finally left her," Edward didn't mention that his father never had a first wife; just a neighbour that was almost as nosy but much less adorable then Sasha, "and found your mother. And happy days; that woman is a saint," Sasha said firmly, and Edward wholeheartedly agreed; though he _did_ know the old lady's purchase of talking up the people she liked. Oprah was also a god-among-humans to his landlady.

Suddenly, Jacob jumped up, gave a bark, and bolted to the elevator on the other side of the room. Edward watched him go with confusion. Why is it Jacob felt the need to zoom off so suddenly? It was the reason no 24-hour pet care centre would take him when Edward had to go out of town. Sasha, though, laughed with amusement.

"Look at that boy go! I think it's his bedtime, Edward, and you'd best get going," Sasha said, and Edward was only too quick to agree. After driving and Uley; he was dead on his feet.

"Yes, thank you Sasha, I think I will. Have a nice night." He said, and quickly departed for Jacob, and hopped in the elevator as it opened very conveniently, and watched as Sasha's front door clicked close.

As Edward wrestled his front door open; Jake took no time in practically bowling him over in his rush to get inside. Edward just aimed a half-hearted kick at him playfully and hung up his things, absent-mindedly activating his voicemail.

"2 new messages." The automated voice said, and Edward glanced at the machine with disinterest as the tone sounded. "'Yo, it's ya favourite in-law-to-be. Gonna call ya sometime tomorrow. See ya.'" Edward scowled at the familiar drawl, but said nothing as he shooed his dog onto the couch and switched on the television, turning the volume down as the tone blared again. "'Edward - it's Sam Uley. I can now pull out three favours out of you. Just wanted you to keep track.'" The tone blared again and Edward viciously jabbed the volume higher. His anger slightly waned as a warm brown head rested on his thigh. Edward scratched behind Jacob's ears lovingly.

"You're my good boy, Jake. I don't need anyone else."

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><p>Say it with me now! D'aawwww! Yeah, anyway, up next will be Jazz-man and Bella and sciency-stuff! Fun, fun, fun! By the way; I have no idea when Jacob will reveal himself; but put your vote in a review if you want this to happen when both Edward and Jacob (or one or the other) are naked.<p>

Personally I'd like Jacob to be naked - jus' sayin'.


	3. Chapter 3

So - why have I just kneeled over on you all for so long? ... Well, there's no reason ... but I'm on holidays now! (Though that will probably be taken up by schoolwork) AND it was my birthday recently. I composed myself a poem.

This chapter has a LONG phone conversation, just because I like Edward and Jasper talking for long periods of time. Sorry. (Please note I'm Aussie and therefore don't know how Texans really talk. Plus you're awesome)

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><p>Edward Cullen hated many things. These things included but were not limited to; Jacob Black, staring contests, his little sister's fiancé, his little sister (at times), and traffic. Right now it was traffic. Rush hour, to be specific. Also known as the hour he should be at the lab, working.<p>

Oh, how he hated the traffic in this city.

"Come on, come on …." He growled, taking his frustration out on the back of the old man's head in front of him, which was easy to do since the elderly had a topless convertible. "… Wish I could retire." Edward mused to himself.

_'Baby there's a lotta ways to make a baby!'_

Edward froze in his car when the music began blasting from his pocket. For a moment he wondered where it came from.

_'And if things were right for us I was hoping maybe-'_

He silently pulled out his phone, stared at it, before flipping it open.

"Edward Cullen speaking."

"I knew ya'd love the ringer."

"No, actually, I don't. Why are you calling me? I happen to be busy suffering at the hands of traffic and would've liked to start the working day without suffering at the hands of you too."

"Yeah, well, ya lucky we had high school to get properly acquainted dear, or I would actually give a shit about the words that just keep comin' out of ya mouth."

"And _your_ words, Jasper, are ever like your head. Full of it."

"Thanks, I knew deep down, past ya ever-kind and carin' shell, ya truly hate me in that cesspool that common idiots call ya heart."

"This has been a lovely chat, Jazz, but I really have to go. I've got absolutely nothing to do but that really beats talking to you."

Edward glowered as the light turned red before his car actually had a proper chance to crawl forward to even the amount one would call 'pitiful'. God he hated traffic. Almost as much as he hated Jasper Hale, the certain sister's fiancé that he was talking to. Then again he only had one.

"Oh please, Eddie, I've only got to pass on a message. I was just humourin' ya through the bullshit of pleasantries."

"Just give me the message, Jasper."

"Alright then - first, Alice says … fuck, I really can't read this curly shit … um, either she wants to eat ya liver, or she wants to take ya shoppin'."

"Okay, thank you-"

"Now, I really hope it's shoppin' - because I can tell ya a human liver tastes disgustin', pigs, on the other hand-"

"_Thank you_, Jasper. Tell her I'm too busy to accompany her."

"Oh? Why's that, mate?"

"Because I happen to be working on something that may-"

"Work? Seriously? Ya blowin' off my lil' darlin'-"

"Who also happens to be my 'lil' sister, thank you very much-"

"Welcome, anyway, ya blowin' her off in favour of _work_? Couldn't ya use a worthwhile excuse?"

"Excuse me? I _do_ happen to be-"

"Hey, I didn't say ya were lyin', even though I _do_ think ya lyin', but ya could at least say ya had a date or somthin'. Y'know, a happy lie."

"… Thank you for your consideration. Even if I didn't actually ask for it. Just tell my little sister that I have a date, then."

"Right-o. A date with ya dog? Which is prolly the truth, right? Ha, or do ya want ya lil' sister to think ya actually heterosexual?"

"I. Am. Not. Gay. And it's extremely rude to asoo."

"Ahh, _as-sue_?"

"Yes, not _assume_, which makes an ass out of you _and_ me. Asoo. Makes an ass out of you and you."

"Right, whatever, ya weedy lil' nerd. Still gay - don't try and deny the fact ya look at my ass whenever ya get the chance."

"… Really, Jasper? If you're going to label me gay, could you at least label me with some, I don't know, standards, as well?"

"What? Because I'm ya lil' sister's fiance?"

"No, because you're ugly. Alice is just blind."

"… Gee, thanks, ya lil' bitch. Ah, wait, there's one more message I had to give ya."

"Spit it out then Jasper. The traffic's starting to move."

Edward breathed a small sigh of relief when he caught sight of the laboratory with half an hour to spare. Then he remembered he was talking to the most chattiest Southern boy he'd ever met. It was going to feel a lot longer than thirty minutes.

"Yeah, yeah … where is it? Oh, here! Found it - okay, Rosalie, she's my twin, remember-"

"The one that said she was the second skinniest person at the party - me being the first?"

"Yep."

"Hard to forget her."

"Ya'd _think_ so, but a few mornin' shots, ya don't even remember where ya own ass is."

"You'd know, wouldn't you Jazz?"

"Yeah - ya think I talk to ya sober?"

"The _message_, Jasper."

"Oh yeah, anyway - she says she and a girl friend are comin' over, from the capital, because she feels like it, and they need a place to stay, see-"

"I'm _not_ letting your sister and her friend live with me."  
>"Huh, yeah, I told her ya'd say that. Would it help if I said she's a <em>lot<em> more sober then me?"

"Nope. Everyone's more sober then you."

"Oh yeah. Okay, how about … ahh … fuck, I can't think of all her good points. I should call her boyfriend for this … oh no, I texted him before and all he sent back was … left bracket, full stop, capital y, full stop and a right bracket."

"Doesn't that make …."

"Yeah, yeah it does. Oh! Hang on - what about ya think of it like ya get two women livin' with ya, which would give ya pretty good braggin' rights around the water cooler or whatever ya eggheads do."

"Jasper, this is your sister we're talking about, so why would you insinuate-"

"Yeah, but she's a ragin' bitch, and she studied medicine just to learn how to castrate a man … and she likes to kick ya in between the legs."

"Growing up with her must've been lovely."

"Wouldn't know. Didn't grow up with her."

"And yet you still took up drinking, I think this says a lot about your character-"

"Ah! Aqua generator!"

"… What?"

"It's what ya'd call a water cooler. Because ya a nerd."

"I can't believe you sound this proud. But back to the point - I'm not housing your sister."

"Aw! That's a damn shame; I'll have to tell Emmett."

As the traffic came to a round-about, Edward used his shoulder to press his phone to his ear.

"Hm? Her boyfriend? And why would you need to do that?"

"Because he was really hopin' ya'd let her stay with you. Because ya gay and all Emmett was under the impression ya'd care, and shit. I told him ya were a right proper prude, but he didn't seem to listen. He'd be pretty upset - maybe even pissed - that ya'd refused. Might wanna pop by for a visit, y'know?"

"Wait - the professional footballer who's calves are bigger then my head? Is that call completely necessary?"

"Yeah, well, no, but I don't like ya, so why not?"

"… _Fine_. To stop you threatening me for simple enjoyment, I'll let your sister and her friend - and that better not turn into a plural without notifying me - stay at my house. Okay?"

"Okay! Knew you'd do it, mate! Besides; Rose's plannin' to just be a veg on her holiday, so she can take care of Jake for ya. She's a bitch so she'd look out for her own species."

"Very funny, Jasper. Never call him Jake again. I'm nearly at work, so I'm hanging up now."

"Yeah, yeah, okay - oh, wait, one more thing."

"_What_?"

"I wasn't about to threaten ya only because I wanted to - she's my sister."

"Yeah, I know, _and_?"

"… And ya a lil' stuck-up prude with a silver spoon up ya ass. Bye now."

The end call tone droned in Edward's ear, from the phone that was now shaking slightly in his grip.

Needless to say, as Edward pulled up into his building's parking lot, he revised the order of the things he hated; his little sister fiancé being at the top of the list now.

"Edward! Hey - good morning!" Edward cringed ever-so-slightly when he heard the cheerful, if slightly timid voice behind him.

He had just managed to put on his lab coat, and grab a watery cup of coffee, before Bella Swan had caught up with him.

"Isabella, good morning to you too." He said, smiling politely. The son-of-a-doctor was always polite. Even towards people he was slightly iffy about.

Bella Swan laughed girlishly, and gazed at Edward with that slightly vacant look that Edward knew wasn't what she usually wore.

Bella Swan was a girl from a small town, Edward couldn't even remember the name, and had worked hard to get to the big city. She was intelligent, Edward knew that, and usually quiet; the voice of reason. But not near Edward.

Sometimes, Edward could _see_ her eyes glaze over when she saw him, and could always tell when whatever she said was out-of-character, even if it was how she usually talked around him.

He wasn't an idiot; he knew the girl might have a small crush on him. But he really wasn't about to confront her about it - he liked to stay under the impression that it had nothing to do with him and that he was only being polite by staying out of other people's business.

Though he knew that was a load of bull, and that he'd have to deal with it eventually, but damn it if he hadn't had a chance to put something off properly in his life - studies, relationships - and he wanted to do so now.

"Edward, I was h-hoping that you'd be free sometime soon, I'm not a-asking you out though, that's the bloke's job, right? Ha ha! But th-there's some stuff that I think would n-need a bit of o-overtime and I think w-we're the only ones d-dedicated enough to p-put in the effort …." Bella continued the mumble and giggle on, waving her hand at times, which made Edward notice a woven bracelet on her wrist.

Besides - other than her fresh mind, Bella had brought something else from her hometown - one Jacob Black. It was enough to have Edward try to minimize whatever contact he had to deal with from the girl. Ever since the two had been introduced at a party Bella had held - which Edward found out later was Jacob's doing - Jacob had happily taken a shine to Edward no matter what Edward tried to do about it.

"Edward?" Oh, crap, the question. Bella looks up at him innocently, and Edward smiles.

"Um, I'll have to think about it … I have someone waiting for me at home, actually …." Edward began, thinking of poor Jake all alone in the apartment and watched as Bella's smile dimmed a bit, which he found strange.

"Oh! Right … well; maybe another time? That is, only if _you_ want to! I'm free whenever! Like, middle of the night - give me a ring! We'll do anything!" Bella babbled, and Edward quickly cut in.

"Thank you. I'll be … sure to contact you at reasonable hours about work-related things." Edward said smoothly, while Bella smiled and turned, looked around as though she had no idea where she was, before trotting towards a few of her work friends.

Edward watched her go, made sure her back was turned fully, before he bolted into his office and shut the door firmly behind him.

"Whew …." He muttered. Bella scared him; how could someone originally so intelligent, turn into such strange mush when the person they liked walked in? … It almost made Edward feel guilty.

It he didn't find it so creepy.

Suddenly, his phone dinged on his desk. Edward sighed as he trudged over to it. _Talking …_ He thought apprehensively. Then he remembered that he had specifically told his family to only call his mobile; which cheered him up greatly, as now he'd be able to act as coldly as he liked, and simply seem professional.

"Edward Cullen speaking."

"_Hey_, Ed."

Edward was pretty sure _that_ voice was the only one he truly despised … right now. Considering he's _already_ spoken to Jasper this morning.

* * *

><p>There! All done! Just <em>kidding<em>! I'll post ... soon-ish? Maybe? Okay, I won't, but I garantee there's no real surprises in the next chapter ... unless you count fire as a surprise.

(By the way - it seems that you guys would like as much nakedness as possible, which is great and makes me feel like you can connect with me on a perverted level - so I may just throw in a sopping-wet Edward for the heck of it. It'll be awesome. Like a giant fangirl party. We can swap links.)


	4. Chapter 4

Guys - sorry for the wait, I got addicted to True Blood (Godric/Eric) ... it was intense. I had to fast-forward a LOT of smex.

Also, I'm getting back into writing The Little Vampire. I've missed it. And my new laptop is awesome! ... Except I still need both of them ... I'm feeling guilty about wasting so much power.

I got two reviews for this one - thanks ColdSilver and Masih!

* * *

><p>"Jacob Black! Why the - how the hell did you call me!" Edward demanded. Like hell he needed some childish grease-covered little boy ringing straight after his least favourite (and only) in-law!<p>

"Umm … I called the number …?"

"How do you know it!"

"It's on your business card!"

"I have a business card?"

"… Wait - what the hell do I have then?"

"What-? Never mind. What do you want?"

"_Well_, you, bent over the table-"

"I'm hanging up-"

"No wait! I have one quick, _leetle_ question …."

"_What_?"

"Which office number is yours? Because I'm here, and I'm looking …."

Edward felt his eye twitch. And he especially didn't like how cheerful Jacob sounded right now. Edward was as far from cheerful as possible at the moment. Therefore no-one else could be happy either.

"How did you get in here!"

"Bella buzzed me in!"

"Then go bug _her_."

"Tried that. She's off being all _smart_ and shit. … So where are you right now? Wanna go out for lunch?"

"_No_, I don't! … Mostly because it's mid-morning, dumbass."

"Rather be a dumbass then a smartass. Brunch then? I feel like bacon-"

"_No_."

"Door 648?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your office."

Edward then looked up from glaring at his desk … and sure enough, a large shadow was outlined against the white-glass.

"N-no! No! Definitely not! Never-"

"Yes! Got it right!"

The dial tone sounded in Edward's ear, just as Edward heard a knocking at the door. Edward gritted his teeth, and marched over to the door.

Bracing himself for the stupid and annoying and pointless antics of one Jacob Black, he threw open the door and glared.

"_What_!" He yelled, and the new hired help blinked owlishly at him.

"… Um, sign?" He asked meekly, holding out a clipboard and a pen. Edward looked at him for a moment longer, then glanced to either side of his door. Empty.

With no expression on his face, Edward signs the papers, hands the items back, and closes the door of the slowly-edging-away help.

"… I have just humiliated myself." Edward mutters, and runs a hand through his hair with a sigh, body slumping. Maybe Jacob had burst in on the wrong room, after all-

The door bangs open. "I'm back! I brought coffee! Welcome, baby!" Edward turned slowly - Jacob Black, grinning triumphantly and holding a cardboard four-place tray with two foam cups on it. Edward turns back around, hoping to God that if he did the man would _go away_.

No dice. Without politely waiting at the door, Jacob waltzes in and places one of the tray on Edward's desk. Then he begins poking around.

"Oh hey! Cute stationary for a cute guy!" Jacob then picks out different items as he speaks, fiddling with them, before putting them back, and Edward's hands twitch to strangle the man.

"Don't go rummaging in others people's things! Who raised you!" Edward snaps, but he knows the answer before Jacob speaks.

"Sam." He says, then grins. Edward doesn't feel like being reminded of the grouchy vet who was also Jacob's childhood big-brother figure/weekend baby-sitter_. I swear my world wasn't this small until Jacob shoved his way into it._ Edward grumbled to himself in his head as he straightens up his now unacceptably ruffled desk." And Sam says I'm supposed to say to you that you owe him-"

"I know how many favours I owe him." Edward snaps, and points to the door. "_Out_." He growls, glaring at Jacob's fake pout.

"But I don't wanna! I wanna have a looksie! Bella _never_ let me in her office! She says I'll break things - which is bullshit - hey, are all those awards real?" Then Jacob begins plucking Edward's framed - thanks to his sister - credentials from the wall, and squinting. Edward then realises Jacob was here to stay - mostly because the only way he'd be able to remove Jacob was physically - which was impossible because Edward was painfully aware of how larger the younger man was. "Man - you're signature's all fancy and shit." Jacob sniggers, and Edward flushes in spite himself.

"Well you didn't _have_ to look!" Edward shot back, taking the frames and hanging them up again. Jacob shrugs though, unperturbed, and wonders over to his bookshelf. Edward almost feels his knees give out at the very_ thought_ of Jacob messing up his alphabetized bookshelf."Don't you _dare_-" He begins, but Jacob just scoffs.

"_Okay_, Mister 'it's-only-mild-OCD' you're lucky you have a nice ass. I won't touch the-" Jacob then freezes, and casts an almost desperate glance at Edward, then back to the shelf, then Edward again.

Finally, an exasperated Edward bites. "What, Mr. 'it's-only-mild-ADHD'? By the way, stop talking about my ass."

"You have _The Jungle Book_. I love that book." He says, then he reaches to touch it, before hovering a few inches, silently staring. Edward decides the only course of action to save his precious books from Jacob's destructive hands, was his favourite one - an abrupt change of subject.

"What kind of coffee did you bring?" He asks, looking at his table. Jacob, predictably, bounces over to him and, very proudly, declares that he chose Edward's ' favourite'. "And how do you know that?" He asks, sceptical as he takes the coffee Jacob slides over to him, while Jacob takes his own and uncaps the lid.

"Bells told me, baby!" Jacob chirps, and Edward looks at him, cautiously sips, and blinks in surprise. It was his favourite.

"How does she know, exactly?" Edward asks, both grateful for the coffee, and slightly off-put by Jacob's peppy and careless information. How enamoured _was_ Bella? Was he the only one that found that creepy? Jacob, though, blinks, and looks confused.

"You didn't tell her at all …?" He asks back. Edward shakes his head, and takes a larger mouthful. "… Oh. Don't care." Jacob says shamelessly, then tips his cups to his mouth, and Edward almost spits when the contents _rattles_.

"What the heck are you drinking?" Edward demands, almost panicked. Jacob tips the cup silently towards Edward … revealing mini M&M's. Edward also notices Jacob was chewing. "Why …?" Edward breathes, and Jacob gives him a definitely _blue_ hued grin.

"I'm not allowed coffee." He explains, but Edward nods. That made perfect sense. "Hey! Why are all your books - 'sides the cool ones - all boring or fuck-old?" Jacob asks suddenly, and Edward scowls at the blunt mechanic's jab at his taste in literature.

Edward instantly feels the need to defend himself. "They all happen to be very famous and interesting."

"But they're, like, the books you read at school," Jacob wrinkles his nose, though he gives a bright smile, "like the kind I'd _wiki_ the night before the paper was due on 'em and still pass." He boasts, and Edward is less than impressed with the man's proud skill in 'winging it'.

"_Well_, they _were_ the kind I read at school too, which I happened to write very good-graded essay's on days in advance," Edward ignores Jacob's snort, quite proud of his academics, that he worked very hard for, "and they're still very good books."

"Why don't you have Harry Potter then?" Jacob cuts in, and Edward's scowl only deepens.

"Because I don't like it." He said, and raised his eyebrows as Jacob gives a gasp.

"B-but it's _famous_!" He protests, and Edward scoffs.

"Feel-good coming-of-age books are a dime a dozen, and none of them are as long-winded or unreal as that." Edward snorts, and Jacob scowls.

"Fantasy's awesome. Besides - apart from the wizards, it's not unreal!" Jacob argues, which makes Edward rolls his eyes. "What?"

"You really think the protagonist went his whole high-school life without _once_ sleeping with a girl? Or at least masturbating at school? No homosexual thoughts while bunking with males for most of the year? Or wondering about the girl's underwear?" Edward asks, and Jacob blinks.

"… You have a point." Jacob says, and Edward smirks, finally victorious. "So are you saying you're life is unreal too?" Jacob questions suddenly, and Edward's face falls.

"_What_?" He snaps, while Jacob suddenly grins, chewing on a mouthful of M&Ms.

"Betcha you were as 'geeky-little-asexual-virgin' as they come as in high-school." Jacob says, and laughs in Edward's face as he blushes bright red.

"_Shut up!_" He snaps, "You don't have to just go and_ asoo_ every little thing!" He bursts out, and Jacob's laughing fades off as he puts his M&M-filled coffee cup on the desk.

"What's_ asoo_ mean?" He asks, looking confused. But Edward was now severely pissed.

"I mean! No one_ asked _you to come and take up my valuable work hours with your childish nonsense! And just to insult me and annoy me!" He adds heatedly, and downs his coffee at such a violent pace that Jacob actually looks pained. He slams the empty cup straight into the bin, and walks over to his desk, sitting down and pulling out his laptop. He felt extremely self-righteous at the moment, and he didn't even care if Jacob was going to mess with his books. Though he _was_ going to put away the _Jungle Book_ after the man left.

"… Eddie?" Edward ignores Jacob's tentative voice, and opens his research folder. He had work to do. "C'mon … 'm sorry …." Jacob's voice is quiet as he speaks, but fail to pull at Edward's stone-hard heartstrings. "Hey … I said sorry!" The man says, sounding angry, before he straightens up, and Edward could see the man's good posture from the corner of his eye. "Look - if you _really_ didn't want me here, you wouldn't have talked to me on the phone, you would have _actually_ hung up, or you could have called security on me." Jacob says, his voice getting louder.

Edward, though, strives to ignore the, now that he thought about it, rather true words.

"Hell, you could have thrown the coffee at me! But you didn't!" Jacob continues, waving his hands slightly. "I just thought you were feeling bad! So I came to cheer you up! But I'm _sorry_ if you want to stay grumpy and mean forever!" Jacob yells, slamming his hands down on the table."So screw it. I … I didn't mean to bother you." Jacob says through gritted teeth, and turns, sweeping his cup off the table as he does. There was a slight hiss as the chocolate scattered from Jacob's coffee cup as it fell to the ground. Edward didn't dare respond, as there was something stuck in his throat, as Jacob stepped away from the table, and looked down.

"… Oops." He says, not a trace of his anger from before in his voice, and Edward looks up as Jacob sits cross-legged on the floor, righting the cup and scooping its contents back in. "That was my bad …." He mutters, concentrating on cleaning. Edward was slightly off-put at how … un-angry Jacob suddenly seemed, he didn't look frustrated by the cup, but looked slightly … depressed.

Edward glances back at his computer screen, and the game of solitaire on it, before closing the lid and leaning a cheek on his hand as Jacob finishes picking all the M&Ms up, and, pouting and reluctant, slowly puts the cup in the bin.

After a few seconds of silence, Jacob look up at Edward, who sighs.

"… Do you want a tour?" He asks, and frowns ever-so-slightly at Jacob's bright smile.

"Yes, please!"

* * *

><p>I have the strong feeling this chapter was a little random, but in my mind's defence, it's still a bit jumbled on where the plot is heading ... that and I'm lazy.<p>

A pose a question to you - in the reviews, why did no one suggest that Jacob was on the other end? Who else could it be?


	5. Sorry

"So …." Jacob clicked his tongue, slightly bored in Edward's living room. As a joke, the dog collar was still around his neck. "What was supposed to happen in this story, anyway?"

"Well …" Edward cleared his throat for a long explanation, handing Jacob orange juice while he sat down opposite with a coffee, "we were - the human you and I - supposed to get closer and slightly more irritated with each other. Then Alice and Jasper would get married, giving me special privileges to take you - the dog you - around with me. But Sam would intervene, take you, and Rosalie - whose friend would have been Victoria - would keep me at the wedding, where I would sweat it out until I banged down Sam's door." This made Jacob chuckle, and Edward just nodded.

"Then it turns out you find out about my double identity, yeah?" His question was answered as Edward nodded, "And I had to go with Sam because Seth turned into a … well, a wolf. Except we _can_ become dogs, I proved that by practising. Lots of practising." He shudders at the thought and it's Edward's turn to chuckle, "Because I wanted to get to know you some more." Jacob blows the other a kiss, which is caught, and crushed in Edward's clenched fist. Jacob shrugs, not bothered. "Then you don't talk to me for a while-"

"Two months." Edward states promptly. Jacob pouts.

"Yeah, but start dating Bella, which is a bitch move," Jacob glares, and Edward waves him away.

"That implies I enjoyed it."

"Oh, yeah, anyway. James tracks you down, who was Bella's," he pauses, and scratches his head, "… first boyfriend? I think?" He mulls it over, but Edward doesn't really care, and only shrugs.

"An ex-con, that's all that matters." He said, picking up their glasses and putting them by the sink.

"She has good taste." Jacob says sarcastically. Edward just flicks soapy water at him. "Victoria helps track him down, because they are currently dating and she's pissed that he's hung up on an ex." This makes Jacob giggle, but Edward grits his teeth, and scowls.

"He kidnaps me, and attempts to monologue his way to my death." He grumbles, then glances at his rolled up sleeves, and the faded red marks on them, "And cut up my arms." He adds, looking very displeased. Jacob just nods.

He then jumps to his feet, striking a super-hero pose. "Then I bust in and save the day!" He declares, and Edward is very happy to move on from that fact.

He dries his hands as he continues. "Bella leaves for your small town again." He begins, and lets Jacob take it away.

"She goes home and, yeah," Jacob leans against the table as Edward tucks the dishtowel away. "James is hauled off by a fiery redhead." He adds, looking very amused.

Edward only scoffs. "Rosalie isn't sorry about her friend because her and Jasper just thought the whole thing was funny." He mutters, obviously still sore about that fact. Jacob coos, skipping over and giving one of Edward's healing scars a kiss.

"But Carlisle takes you to the station to report it." Jacob says, taking Edward's hand and leading him to the front door. He hangs up the collar from around his neck, and gives it an affectionate pat. Then takes up a scarf from the coat rack, and slips it around Edward's neck, " And I get your parents seal of approval for saving you." He adds, grinning as Edward only rolls his eyes as Jacob dresses him for the outside cold.

"Which is very lucky, for you." He mutters, stepping away clad in a jacket, as Jacob pulls on his own coat. When Jacob is finished pulling on his gloves, Edward opens the door, letting them both step out before locking it behind him securely. He slips the key under the mat, as per leaving instructions for the termination of his renting contract.

Jacob walks with him to the elevator, and they head to the bottom floor. "But this story is being discontinued anyway?" He asks, getting a tight nod from Edward, which makes him sigh.

"Yes, because the author is one of the most pathetic little children on the planet." Edward bites out, practically striding away from the elevator and from the thoughts of the 'pathetic little' person in question. Jacob bounces to catch up.

"But she's very sorry too," Jacob chirped, taking Edward's hand again, "and she wants to thank all of her awesome reviewers!" He adds, not wanting to dwell on the negative, and instead smiling at the thought of all the lovely people who showed how the internet is the beautiful place that it is.

Edward only rolls his eyes again. "Yeah, yeah, let's go." He opens the door to Jacob's precious Rabbit, and Jacob jumps into the driver's side. It seems Edward wasn't as cranky as he thought, as the pale man takes his hand again, and doesn't let go, though Jacob manages to start the car with one hand.

"And we live happily ever after, right?" Jacob grins, and Edward leans over to give him a kiss.

"Right." He confirms as he pulls away. The car joins traffic, and is then stuck for twenty minutes, because this isn't the ending of a love story - it's the beginning of two lives untold.

* * *

><p>Sorry. Not as sorry as I should be, but sorry. I didn't mean to leave it, I meant to finish it, I'm upset with myself. But life goes on.<p>

This was the end I'm pretty sure that I was expecting from myself. I beg you don't hate me, and to brace youselves. I'll be uploading little bits and bobs from my head later on. Good Jakeward goodness is good.


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